Not all junk’s bad for your trunk

F*ck it. It’s all gone downhill.

Nothing can change this goddamn feeling, other than smashing down a burger, chugging that cola, and inhaling those crisps. Or you could just drown your sorrows over a tub of ice cream, spoon by spoon.

Well, there’s an alternative: better junk.

WTF is that supposed to mean?

Not all junk is created equal, some absolute sh*t, some better than others. Better junk is junk that won’t fu*k you up. You’ve worked hard to be healthy, workouts, nutrition, the works. Don’t destroy it all in a moment of despair.

Here’s a list of few taste pleasers, not in any particular order. They’re just a teeny bit naughty. Unless you overdo it, in which case, it becomes a full blown affair. You’ll feel sh*itty at the end, with a dishonorable walk of shame.

EGG SANDWICH

Cheap protein and some good stuff like selenium, vitamin D, B6, B12. Some cool minerals such as zinc, iron and copper, too.

DARK CHOCOLATE

Helps the brain, improves mood, and a great antioxidant. Good for you…in minimal quantities.

POPCORN

Whole grain with loads of vitamins, fibre, and protein. A low calorie food too. It’s the salt that kills.

PEANUT BUTTER

Some of us can eat spoonfuls of this delicious butter. Fibre, protein, healthy fats, and magnesium to fortify your bones and muscles. Calorie dense though—if you care.

TACOS

Meat, bread, veeggie, you know it’s OK ,right? You also know it’s best not to eat 72 of them in one seating.

FRIES

They’ve gotten a bad rep. It’s not the potato that’s the villain. It’s the oil folks, and the mayo, and the ketchup. But fu*k it, just a portion this one time will help.

BURGER

Meat and veggies. It’s not bad junk. But please, do you really need to have 4 Quarter Pounders at a go?

WINGS

Meat ain’t that bad. Hint: It’s the processed sauce that the naughty guy.

NUGGETS

Chicken is good! The oil, not great. But still, better junk!

SNICKERS

They say a snickers bar is better than yo’ average hidden calorie filled protein bar.

CHEESE

Great stuff. Loaded with calcium, fat, iron, vitamins. In moderation, please.

ICE CREAM

Everyone scream! What a great way to get in some bone-strengthening calcium, blood-pressure-lowering potassium and energizing B vitamins. Yum!

PIZZA

The best junk food! All ingredients in a pizza are powerful on their own. Combined this guy is like the Avengers of comics. Bad when you get a microwaveable one that’s chock full of additives, preservatives, coloring and unhealthy fats.

MILK SHAKE

Calcium. Deliciousness. Not recommended as a daily nutrient

PRETZEL M&Ms

Crunchy gobs of awesome! A small bag is 150 calories, which in the larger scheme of things is peanuts.

TORTILLA CHIPS AND SALSA

Better than yo’ average chips! Combined with salsa, it makes for a magnificent duo.

OATMEAL COOKIES

Fibre! And filling. Can lower cholesterol too. I wouldn’t go overboard because of the sugar.

SMOOTHIES

Depends on what goes in. But it’ll fill you up, helping you avoid that 4th Quarter Pounder.

PRETZELS

Low calorie. Better this than highly salted crisps.

RICE

Quick energy, takes you to a better place within a few spoonfuls. Not calorie dense, but a heavy meal can quickly put you to sleep ( probably good, considering the shitty mood you’re in)

BURRITO / SHAWARMA

Ahhhhhh.

Imagine you’re driving, and you get a flat tire. Do you immediately proceed to puncture the others? No!

Same with junk food. If you have a bad day, cheat a little bit. Eat better junk. Don’t slash all your tires.

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